I'm guessing their "vacancy" might have something to do with all that warm "poo" they have in the motel, eh?
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Sunday, November 11
Signs and wonders
by
Mike
on Sun 11 Nov 2007 08:23 PM EST
A friend of mine recently sent me a link to a very funny blog called "Say What?!" The great signs on that site reminded me of one of my favorite pictures from our family trip to Clearwater Florida back in 2000. I snapped the picture below as we passed by the Marlin Motel one afternoon:
I'm guessing their "vacancy" might have something to do with all that warm "poo" they have in the motel, eh? Friday, August 18
The worst wedding toast ever
by
Mike
on Fri 18 Aug 2006 10:45 PM EDT
It’s
been a long and busy week. Although topics have come and gone
from my mind over the last few days, it’s been nearly impossible to sit
down and type any of them out. I’m sure things will slow down a bit
soon, but in the absence of a decent article about family, comics or
politics, I will instead offer a short piece featuring a very true
story. This popped into my mind the other night and I thought it
would be fun to share…
Back in the summer of 2001 (shortly after the arrest of Slobodan Milosevic, which is an important point later in the story), I attended a very strange wedding. The bride and the groom were both dentists and they had recently moved to Washington D.C. (but the wedding was here in town). The best man was the father of the groom. (Now, how weird is that?) The wedding ceremony itself was unremarkable (although I did spend a fair amount of time wondering if the groom had even one single friend that he could have chosen as a best man instead of picking his old man), but the reception featured a rather awkward moment during the customary toast to the bride and groom. When it came time to offer his toast, the best man/father of the groom rose and started chattering about something or other and eventually he got around to talking about the bride and groom. Now, he was particularly proud of the fact that the married couple were both practicing dentists and that they were living in Washington D.C, so this became somewhat of the focus of this rambling “toast.” He talked about how proud he was of their work and the fact that they now lived in Washington and he then joked that while they were in D.C, his new daughter-in-law was going to be performing some kind of dental work on Hillary Clinton and that his son was “going to be doing root canals on Slobodan Milosevic!” The latter comment was particularly asinine seeing as how Milosevic was nowhere near the U.S. following his arrest and detention. Maybe he was fantasizing that his son was part of some kind of crack dentist-commando unit for the Navy. Anyway, that was basically the toast. Seriously, folks...the toast ended with a reference to Slobodan Milosevic! After it was over, a few people laughed uncomfortably, there was some scattered clapping, everyone raised their glasses and the afternoon rolled on. There is an interesting postscript to all this: Several months later, the groom was caught cheating, and the marriage ended quite abruptly. Now I am not a superstitious guy, but a toast that bad has to be some kind of a curse!  Saturday, May 6
Wasting time
by
Mike
on Sat 06 May 2006 11:09 PM EDT
Upon learning of our new iMac, our pal Corey sent me a note suggesting
I check out the new Mac application called Photo Booth. He
described it as "the most hilarious time-waster." He was
right. Here’s how I wasted my time with it...
 Sunday, February 12
Got salvation?
by
Mike
on Sun 12 Feb 2006 09:29 PM EST
 I
snapped this picture on Saturday while I was driving on I-70 West
(between Columbus and Dayton). I am not really sure of the answer
to this question, but if Dante’s description of Hell is accurate, then
there’s some kind of "ironic punishment" that surely awaits all of us
sinners...and my ironic punishment would probably be to read stupid
religious billboards erected by pompous fools with too much money and
time on their hands.If you're looking for a glimpse of how you might spend eternity, check out Dante's Inferno Test and take the survey there. I landed in the Fifth Circle of Hell. Whoo hoo! See you on the other side! Further Reading The Divine Comedy full text at gutenberg.org Thursday, December 1
The devil, you say?
by
Mike
on Thu 01 Dec 2005 07:34 PM EST
 I
went to a local cafeteria-style place for lunch yesterday. The lady at
the checkout counter rang up my lunch and the total came to $6.66. She
refused to read the total out loud, saying, "You can figure it out for
yourself. That number isn't coming out of my mouth." Now at this point,
I considered going back and purchasing an additional $1.11 in food,
figuring that a lunch tab of $7.77 might land me eternal
salvation. But in the end, I thought it would be best to just pay
the bill and go on about my business. Maybe next week I’ll go back and purchase 13 slices of Devil’s Food cake and see what kind of reaction I get. Saturday, October 22
Greeker than thou
by
Mike
on Sat 22 Oct 2005 09:11 PM EDT
We
snapped this picture earlier today. We came upon this rather
unexpected sight while driving around town and we raced home to grab
our camera because we didn’t think anyone would believe us if we didn’t
have some evidence.
Now, you may think that you’re a Greek. You might be Greek-American or you might even be a first-generation, full-blooded Greek with citizenship papers and all that. But if this isn’t your car....Well then, you’re just not Greek enough, my friend!   Click on the picture to see a larger version Sunday, October 16
The population bomb explodes in Arkansas
by
Mike
on Sun 16 Oct 2005 10:24 PM EDT
Last week, American media types of all sorts swooned over the tale of an Arkansas couple who had just given birth to their 16th child.
Mr. and Mrs. Duggar—Jim Bob and Michelle to their friends—told
reporters that they were looking forward to having a 17th child someday.
Now I will keep my comments brief on this because I certainly don’t want to come across as being...mean-spirited. But was I the only guy to read this story and suspect a hint of religious zealotry going on? I found their family website via a quick Google search (you’ll have to Google it yourselves, dear friends. I sure as hell ain’t linking to this one...) and my suspicions were confirmed pretty quickly. Go ahead and have a look. Weird, wild stuff... You can learn a lot about somebody by checking out what they link to from their site. The Duggar family's site includes links to cornerstones of the religious right, such as “Focus on the Family” and “Family Research Council,” as well as a site called “Creation Science Evangelism” (Incidentally, if you visit the “Creation Science Evangelism” site, you’ll find that they are promoting something called “Defeat Darwin Month.” I didn’t read the specifics about this, but I am willing to bet that it involves digging up Darwin’s corpse and stoning it or something like that.) All in all, my favorite link on the Duggar Family’s site is for something called “WholesomeWear Modest Swimwear.” According to the folks at WholesomeWear, “(t)he need for modesty in swimwear is greatest and the supply is almost non-existant (sic).” You have to admit that it is more than a little ironic that the Duggars include this link on their site, isn’t it? I mean, if Mrs. D. actually wore WholesomeWear clothing in the first place, then chances are that she wouldn’t have ended up with 16 kids! Wednesday, September 28
Adventures in thrifting, continued
by
Mike
on Wed 28 Sep 2005 07:43 PM EDT
Instead
of writing a bit on yet another weird book that I found at a thrift
store, I figured it might be interesting to share a bit on the books
that I decide to pass on when I am thrifting. Hopefully this will
demonstrate once and for all that I do have some degree of self control and that I am not prone to snatch up a book simply because it’s freakishly bizarre or kitschy.
Most of the thrift stores in our area are run by religious organizations and there is typically a cache of bizarre religious literature mixed in with their selections of books and magazines. In some respects, this material can be rather amusing and I have included a few examples below. But the more troubling selections (some of which border on hate speech and extremism) are better left unmentioned. All of the books mentioned below are real...I am not making any of these up, I promise! If you look hard enough, you can probably find most of these books in amazon.com or abebooks.com. On with the list... The Joy of Celibacy This was a very short book with some very strange cover art. Trust me on this one. Slick Willie: Why Americans Cannot Trust Bill Clinton by Floyd G. Brown I was really confused at first because I thumbed through this book and I found no mention of NAFTA, the failure of the Clinton Administration to deliver on the promise of universal healthcare or the Defense of Marriage Act. Then I noticed the book was published in 1992. File this one under “prophesy.” El Ocultismo y La Biblia I can’t read Spanish, but you get the idea. How Could You Do That? by Dr. Laura Schlesinger I think the title is really asking how someone can make millions of dollars just by being a self-righteous quack. The 1980's: Countdown to Armageddon by Hal Lindsey Actually, I didn’t buy this book because I already have a copy. Hal Lindsey is still in the “Armageddon” business today...Recently he declared that Hurricane Katrina was proof that "judgment of America has begun." No word on when the judgment of Hal Lindsey will begin. Final Exit by Derek Humphrey This is a famous book on assisted suicide that was authored by the founder of the Hemlock Society. The fact that I found a copy in a thrift store that specializes in estate liquidation seems to suggest that the previous owner got some use out of it.  Dangerous by Fabio The cover boasts that readers can win a “Fabio Fantasy Date!” Would you believe that there is actually an “International Fabio Fan Club”? On their web site, you can view an article and video from back when Fabio was smacked in the face by an errant goose as he was testing out a roller coaster at Busch Gardens. Julio! The Loves, Life and Legend of Julio Iglesias by Jeff Rovin I can’t think of anything funny to say about this one. Listen to My Heart: Lessons in Love, Laughter, and Lunacy by Kathie Lee and Cody Gifford Oh, come on...Everybody knows that they didn’t write this book together. Cody probably wrote the whole thing himself for a cool 43¢ an hour. The Cairo Connection: Egypt in Prophecy by Zola Levitt In this work of "Biblical scholarship," Mr. Levitt puts forth the proposition that the Antichrist is Anwar Sadat. This is, of course, utterly preposterous seeing as how Sadat was assassinated in 1981, just a few years after this book was published. It’s also preposterous because we all know that Mikhail Gorbachev is the real Antichrist. Remember? There’s really no shortage of strange and silly reading material in the shops that I visit, so I am sure I will have more titles to share in the near future. One of my favorite local spots has fallen on some hard times but hopefully it won’t be too long before I can get back there to look for new material. Wednesday, July 6
Adventures in thrifting, part 2
by
Mike
on Wed 06 Jul 2005 10:34 PM EDT
Well,
it's happened again...I visited a thrift store this weekend with the
best of intentions, and I walked out with an item that is utterly
fascinating yet completely useless.
This time around, the item in question is a copy of the 1988 book "Gorbachev: Has the Real Antichrist Come?" I paid a whopping 99¢ for this prize, which is a bit steep compared to the 59¢ that I shelled out for my vintage copy of "Sets In Order" a few weeks back. After briefly flipping through the pages of this book, I was undeniably hooked. As if the book's cover wasn't compelling enough...  Judge ye not a book by its cover,
lest ye be judged by its author... So, this freakishly bizarre acquisition is now a permanent part of my library. But why keep it all to myself? Something this weird must be shared and enjoyed by all! Onward... The author of this book, Robert W. Faid, bases his thesis on the premise of something called " The Theomatic Number System" As mind-numbing as this sounds, it's pretty simple:  Ah, I should have known that there would be something Greek afoot here. Now, this probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense by itself...Come to think of it, even with all the other supporting "evidence," it still doesn't make sense! Here are some more sample's of the author's "evidence": 1) Using the "theomatic number system," Gorbachev's full name, when spelled in Russian, yields 666 x 2. 2) The 7 Warsaw Pact nations represented the "seven heads of the beast," as described in the Book of Revelations. 3) The Russian word for "peace" also (supposedly) means "world," so when Gorbachev says "I want peace," he is actually saying "I want the world!" Ooooh, scary.
Some 198 pages later, with a bit more "theomatic numbers" and a fair
amount of "prophesy," Mr. Faid leads us to this conclusion:
 So there you have it: A healthy mix of Biblical "scholarship" and "prophesy" leads us to the virtually irrefutable probability that Gorbachev is indeed the Antichrist. I bet Gorby himself had no idea! Do you think the folks from Pizza Hut knew this back when they signed him as a celebrity spokesman?  PS: What luck! You can still order this book from Amazon.com! Whoo hoo!  Saturday, June 18
Adventures in thrifting, part 1
by
Mike
on Sat 18 Jun 2005 05:57 PM EDT
Earlier
in the week, I stopped into my favorite thrift store to have a look
around. I was looking for something specific (a wooden chair for
a desk that I had bought there several days back) but it wasn’t too
long before I was horribly sidetracked.
As usual, I ended up in the book and magazine aisle, wandering from shelf to shelf. The shelves were poorly organized and filled with a lot of things that most folks might not find very interesting. But experience has proven that if I look long and hard enough, I might find a rare gem. Sure enough... Now, I would like to think that I am past the point in my life in which I am tempted to buy things strictly based upon their weirdness or comedic value, but I guess some things are just too difficult for me to resist. In this particular case, I felt that I could not part with a very strange magazine that I found jammed in between volumes of romance novels and self-help manuals. The magazine in question was the May 1968 issue of "Sets in Order: The Official Magazine of Square Dancing". The advertisements alone made this purchase well worth its 59¢ price tag. As a product of Kentucky public schools (K through 6), I have some personal experience with square dancing because it was a mandatory part of the curriculum back when I was in grade school. So at the very least, I know enough to honestly and steadfastly say that I never want to square dance again. The main reason I picked this magazine up is to keep it as proof that I had actually laid eyes on it. A list of some of the featured articles in the magazine might give you a fair idea of its contents. Here’s a sample: "The Ten Commandments of Square Dancers"
"Dialog: How Does one Go About Learning the Calls?" "Phrasing: Part II" (this article explains how one matches the square dance "calls" to the beat of the music) Now I don’t think mere words could do this justice, so I will include a few scans with this article so that you folks can experience the wonder firsthand. Choose from a fashion tip and a music advertisement. In its heyday, "Sets in Order" was apparently one of the most authoritative sources for the up-and-coming square dancing aficionado. As of May 1968, "SIO" was in its 20th year of publication. There are some passing references to this magazine (called "SIO" by the square dancing elite) here and there on the Internet. If anything, the May 1968 issue of "Sets in Order " is certainly proof that obscure media outlets were around long before public access television and the Internet.  Legendary square dance caller Whimpy Phillippe |
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