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Instead
of writing a bit on yet another weird book that I found at a thrift
store, I figured it might be interesting to share a bit on the books
that I decide to pass on when I am thrifting. Hopefully this will
demonstrate once and for all that I do have some degree of self control and that I am not prone to snatch up a book simply because it’s freakishly bizarre or kitschy.
Most of the thrift stores in our area are run by religious
organizations and there is typically a cache of bizarre religious
literature mixed in with their selections of books and magazines.
In some respects, this material can be rather amusing and I have
included a few examples below. But the more troubling selections
(some of which border on hate speech and extremism) are better left
unmentioned. All of the books mentioned below are real...I am not
making any of these up, I promise! If you look hard enough, you
can probably find most of these books in amazon.com or
abebooks.com. On with the list...
The Joy of Celibacy
This was a very short book with some very strange cover art. Trust me on this one.
Slick Willie: Why Americans Cannot Trust Bill Clintonby Floyd G. Brown
I was really confused at first because I thumbed through this book and I found no mention of NAFTA, the failure of the Clinton Administration to deliver on the promise of universal healthcare or the Defense of Marriage Act. Then I noticed the book was published in 1992. File this one under “prophesy.”
El Ocultismo y La Biblia
I can’t read Spanish, but you get the idea.
How Could You Do That?by Dr. Laura Schlesinger
I think the title is really asking how someone can make millions of dollars just by being a self-righteous quack.
The 1980's: Countdown to Armageddonby Hal Lindsey
Actually, I didn’t buy this book because I already have a copy. Hal
Lindsey is still in the “Armageddon” business today...Recently he
declared that Hurricane Katrina was proof that "judgment of America has begun." No word on when the judgment of Hal Lindsey will begin.
Final Exitby Derek Humphrey
This is a famous book on assisted suicide that was authored by the
founder of the Hemlock Society. The fact that I found a copy in a
thrift store that specializes in estate liquidation seems to suggest
that the previous owner got some use out of it.
Dangerousby Fabio
The cover boasts that readers can win a “Fabio Fantasy Date!” Would you
believe that there is actually an “International Fabio Fan Club”?
On their web site, you can view an article and video from back when Fabio was smacked in the face by an errant goose as he was testing out a roller coaster at Busch Gardens.
Julio! The Loves, Life and Legend of Julio Iglesiasby Jeff Rovin
I can’t think of anything funny to say about this one.
Listen to My Heart: Lessons in Love, Laughter, and Lunacy
by Kathie Lee and Cody Gifford
Oh, come on...Everybody knows that they didn’t write this book
together. Cody probably wrote the whole thing himself for a cool
43¢ an hour.
The Cairo Connection: Egypt in Prophecyby Zola Levitt
In this work of "Biblical scholarship," Mr. Levitt puts forth the
proposition that the Antichrist is Anwar Sadat. This is, of course,
utterly preposterous seeing as how Sadat was assassinated in 1981, just
a few years after this book was published. It’s also preposterous
because we all know that Mikhail Gorbachev is the real
Antichrist. Remember?
There’s really no shortage of strange and silly reading material in the
shops that I visit, so I am sure I will have more titles to share in
the near future. One of my favorite local spots has fallen on some hard times but hopefully it won’t be too long before I can get back there to look for new material.
Well,
it's happened again...I visited a thrift store this weekend with the
best of intentions, and I walked out with an item that is utterly
fascinating yet completely useless.
This time around, the item in question is a copy of the 1988 book
"Gorbachev: Has the Real Antichrist Come?" I paid a whopping
99¢ for this prize, which is a bit steep compared to the
59¢
that I shelled out for my vintage copy of "Sets In Order" a few weeks
back. After briefly flipping through the pages of this book, I
was undeniably hooked. As if the book's cover wasn't compelling
enough...
Judge ye not a book by its cover, lest ye be judged by its author...
So,
this freakishly bizarre acquisition is now a permanent part of my
library. But why keep it all to myself? Something this
weird must be shared and enjoyed by all! Onward...
The author of this book, Robert W. Faid, bases his thesis on the
premise of something called " The Theomatic Number System"
As mind-numbing as this sounds, it's pretty simple:
Ah, I should have known that there would be something Greek afoot here.
Now, this probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense by itself...Come
to think of it, even with all the other supporting "evidence," it still doesn't make sense! Here are some more sample's of the author's "evidence":
1)
Using the "theomatic number system," Gorbachev's full name, when spelled in Russian, yields 666 x 2.
2) The 7 Warsaw Pact nations represented the "seven heads of the beast," as described in the Book of Revelations.
3)
The Russian word for "peace" also (supposedly) means "world," so when Gorbachev says "I want peace," he is
actually saying "I want the world!"
Ooooh, scary.
Some 198 pages later, with a bit more "theomatic numbers" and a fair
amount of "prophesy," Mr. Faid leads us to this conclusion:
So there you have it: A healthy mix of Biblical "scholarship" and
"prophesy" leads us to the virtually irrefutable probability that
Gorbachev is indeed the Antichrist. I bet Gorby himself had no
idea! Do you think the folks from Pizza Hut knew this back when they signed him as a celebrity spokesman?
PS: What luck! You can still order this book from Amazon.com! Whoo hoo!
Earlier
in the week, I stopped into my favorite thrift store to have a look
around. I was looking for something specific (a wooden chair for
a desk that I had bought there several days back) but it wasn’t too
long before I was horribly sidetracked.
As usual, I
ended up in the book and magazine aisle, wandering from shelf to
shelf. The shelves were poorly organized and filled with a lot of
things that most folks might not find very interesting. But
experience has proven that if I look long and hard enough, I might
find a rare gem. Sure enough...
Now, I would
like to think that I am past the point in my life in which I am tempted
to buy things strictly based upon their weirdness or comedic value, but
I guess some things are just too difficult for me to resist. In
this particular case, I felt that I could not part with a very strange
magazine that I found jammed in between volumes of romance novels and
self-help manuals. The magazine in question was the May 1968 issue of "Sets in Order: The Official Magazine of Square Dancing". The advertisements alone made this purchase well worth its 59¢ price tag.
As a product of
Kentucky public schools (K through 6), I have some personal experience
with square dancing because it was a mandatory part of the curriculum
back when I was in grade school. So at the very least, I know enough to
honestly and steadfastly say that I never want to square dance
again. The main reason I picked this magazine up is to keep it as
proof that I had actually laid eyes on it. A list of some of the
featured articles in the magazine might give you a fair idea of its
contents. Here’s a sample:
"The Ten Commandments of Square Dancers"
"Dialog: How Does one Go About Learning the Calls?"
"Phrasing: Part II" (this article explains how one matches the square dance "calls" to the beat of the music)
Now I don’t
think mere words could do this justice, so I will include a few scans
with this article so that you folks can experience the wonder
firsthand. Choose from a fashion tip and a music advertisement.
In its heyday,
"Sets in Order" was apparently one of the most authoritative sources
for the up-and-coming square dancing aficionado. As of May 1968, "SIO" was in its 20th year of publication. There
are some passing references to this magazine (called "SIO" by the
square dancing elite) here and there on the Internet. If
anything, the May 1968 issue of "Sets in Order " is certainly proof
that obscure media outlets were around long before public access
television and the Internet.
Dangerous by Fabio 
